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Hi! I'm Dr Petra.
I'm a psychologist based at University College London and I research sex and relationships. Fire away and ask me what you need to know. Don't be embarrassed - I'm here to sort out all your awkward, personal, and just plain confusing problems |
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| A few months ago most of my friends stopped talking to me and i don’t know why. They said i said some nasty things about them but i didn’t. They said they are never going to talk to me again. Its getting me so worried cus we have been friends for 14 years. I’m now moving schools because i cant take the stress of it anymore, its really upsetting me can you help me please. |
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| It’s awful when friends do this, and I’m sorry to hear you’ve been affected by what amounts to bullying. Unfortunately when friends gang up like this it can be hard to shift them – particularly if you don’t know why they’re acting this way, or if you think they’ve got the wrong idea about you. Is there one of them who might be easier to talk to than the others? If so perhaps you could be clear with them and explain they have got the wrong idea, that you’re sad about this and want to sort out your friendship. Alternatively you could try and approach them all together and say you know they believe you’ve said something bad, this isn’t true, and you’d like everyone to still be friends (you could also do this by email to all of them if it’s easier). This requires you to be confident and assertive – and also to avoid getting into discussions where you feel you have to justify anything or apologise. You don’t want to be drawn into discussions where they can blame you further; you want to make it clear you have been unfairly judged and want to be friends again. This may mean they try and act mean to you by further blanking you or saying nasty things. In which case they clearly aren’t mature enough to handle this and you deserve better friends. I would speak to someone at your new school (a nurse or counselor) so they can help you. Hopefully once you’re in your new school you can make new friends. I would avoid having too many discussions there about what’s happened, and I wouldn’t tell your old friends you’re moving because of their behaviour – it won’t make them change their behaviour but will give them the satisfaction of knowing their bullying has pushed you away. You have the chance to move on with your life. Who knows, a new start and new friends could mean these old mates do realize they were stupid and want to see you again – at which point you decide if you feel they deserve to be your friend again. |
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