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Hi! I'm Dr Petra.
I'm a psychologist based at University College London and I research sex and relationships. Fire away and ask me what you need to know. Don't be embarrassed - I'm here to sort out all your awkward, personal, and just plain confusing problems |
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| Well basically... I think I may have fallen seriously for an old teacher, one of my old 6th form teachers... bearing in mind I am no longer his student as I am at university now.
There was always a bit of chemistry between us in class and then we went out as a like class night out after I had left college and he made some comments to me like 'If you were a couple of years older, I think you'd be my girlfriend.' Well that comment kinda started the whole thing off... and at the end of the night he was holding my hand and giving me hugs and stuff which was a bit weird.
And then a few months later when I was at uni we went out with a few friends for my birthday and he was quiet all night then at midnight when I got back he rang me up and we were on the phone til 2 o clock in the morning just talking about the situation.
We've met up a couple of times since and he knows how I feel... but he never gives me a straight answer...and he always brings the topic up even though he knows it makes me awkward.
I think it makes it worse because I have had a pretty rough 6 mnths as my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer just before i went to uni... and he was there for me to talk to. He really cares.
He text me the other day asking if i want to meet up soon but Im not so sure its a good idea...I know how i feel about him and seeing him will only make things worse. Oh and he also has a girlfriend so i feel guilty... although we have never done anything, just talked about it really.
Ahhhh what do you think? should i meet up with him?
Sorry for the essay... its a long story! Thanks
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| Okay, imagine your friend comes to you and says ‘I’ve met this guy. He used to be my teacher, he flirted with me just after I’d left college. When I went to Uni he called me and we’ve met up and talked about being together, but he has a girlfriend’. What would you say? Would you agree this is the right guy for her or not? Hopefully you’d tell her what I’m going to tell you. Ask yourself what you’d get from this guy. He is in a position of responsibility as a teacher and although he’s not your teacher now it is completely inappropriate of him to have flirted with you when you’d just finished being taught by him – regardless of his age or yours. He is also in a relationship and showing no signs of ending that. If you were in a relationship with him would you be able to trust him?
If you want to be with him then you have to be very specific. Do not speak to him until he has ended his current relationship and seek reassurance that he is going to be loyal to you. Do not take any calls, texts or emails from him until then, Definitely do not meet up with him.
To be honest I wouldn’t even do that. There are countless guys out there who you’d like, and you owe it to yourself to find someone who is not a dodgy teacher with a girlfriend. It’s easy to be flattered by someone who seems nice, particularly when they’ve taught us as there’s a trust relationship there. But that’s why this is not a good idea. Get help from other sources (friends, counselors etc) to cope with your mum’s illness and take time to feel more confident about yourself so you can ignore this guy.
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