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Hi! I'm Dr Petra.
I'm a psychologist based at University College London and I research sex and relationships. Fire away and ask me what you need to know. Don't be embarrassed - I'm here to sort out all your awkward, personal, and just plain confusing problems |
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| Hi petra, There's this guy right and he's so perfect. Just speaking to him leaves me with butterflies in my belly and when he touches me it's the same. Pure magic it is! However the only problem is his age, he's 35 and am only 16. I know you're probably thinking 'stupid girl' but when I'm with him it dosen't seem to matter that much. He treats me likea princess he really does. But I don't know whether just to leave him and let him find someone his own age ect or stick it out. Help?
Lynzie x
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| It’s so difficult when we really like someone and they seem to like us, and it is hard when there’s an age gap, but think about it this way. He’s 35. More than double your age. Why doesn’t he have a girlfriend who is nearer his age? Most guys of 35 might want a girlfriend a few years younger, but not 19 years younger! If you were to be in a relationship with him how would you be together? Your mates wouldn’t have anything to say to him, and his mates wouldn’t have anything in common with you. That’s not because there’s anything wrong with you, but simply that you have things that interest you at your age and he has things that should interest him at his age.
Unfortunately there are many men who seem great because they’re older, but because of that it hides the fact that really they’re very immature. Too immature to manage a relationship with a woman their own age, and not able to manage relationships on an equal level. All too often with men who are a lot older who want a younger girlfriend you find the relationship isn’t equal. It’s not something that you can share or be open about and men who are a lot older tend to be very controlling and sadly often abusive – even if they seem lovely to start with. I don’t want you to end up in a situation with a guy who may be at best someone who’s just not really very mature, and at best someone who is going to hurt you.
I’m sorry if this isn’t what you want to hear, but please promise me you’ll do three things. Firstly tell him he needs to be with someone his own age. Secondly don’t let him convince you that you should be together – you shouldn’t – he is much too old for you. Thirdly you need to tell someone about what’s going on – your family, friends or someone you trust (and if you don’t want to do that then alarm bells should be ringing because if this was all okay you’d be happy to tell someone about your new boyfriend, right?).
You’re going to have to be strong here, but it’s very unlikely he’s going to be able to do this – another clue that he’s not mature or really as great as he seems. There are loads of lads out there who’ll make you feel just as lovely as this guy does. But they will be guys who are closer to your own age and who you’ll be able to have a relationship with that’s right for you. Please let us know if you need further help in handling this situation.
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