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Hi! I'm Dr Petra.
I'm a psychologist based at University College London and I research sex and relationships. Fire away and ask me what you need to know. Don't be embarrassed - I'm here to sort out all your awkward, personal, and just plain confusing problems |
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| Dear Dr. Petra,
I've been dating this guy for almost two years now and we broke up one month ago. He used to be so in love with me, he even cried when he found out i was leaving for college. Anyway, so exactly one day after we broke up he asked this girl out and people are saying they had a thing for a week before. And now he's not talking to me at all since his girlfriend doesn't allow it and whenever i talk to him he's mean to me and all he tells me is that he loves her, while all his friends are telling me that he doesn't love her AT ALL and that he's still in love with me. He always tells people that he doens't wanna hurt me but if he doesn't then why is he being so mean to me? About a week ago he called to ask me if we could meet before i leave and i agreed. So yesterday when we gathered with alot of friends he brought his girlfriend with him and he didn't talk to me or even look at me the whole day. Why would he ask me to go if he didn't really wanna see me? All he did was make out with her in front of me.
I was going to stay for college here just for him and when i told him that he called me a liar. He says he's sick of me because of all the rumors people used to say about me, but how is it my fault? People used to tell him that i was cheating on him and that kind of stuff but i was never unfaithfull to him. He just stopped trusting me after we broke up the first time. Last year we broke up as well and one month after, i dated this guy and once my ex found out i was dating he used to beg me to get back to him and a few months after i did. so could it possibly be that he's doing this to me as pay back? Since i did the same to him when i was dating that other guy last year.
I mean the girl is not even his type, he likes girls who don't go to alot of parties and never hang out with guys since he's a really jealous type. But with her he's NEVER jealous. She always ditches him to meet other guys and he's ok with it.
How can someone fall out of love and in love with someone else in less than a week? How is it possible. i couldn't get over him the first time we broke up even though i was dating someone else. So how come he got over me so fast?
Sorry its too long, but i really need your advice!
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| People do all kinds of things when they break up and it can be difficult to know what’s going on or get a clear answer. The things that are obvious in your situation are that he is with someone else and is not apparently wanting to get back with you. Because there was clearly some bad feeling over the breakup and because you both have unfinished business here there also seems to be a need for you to go over this.
He may be using her to get back at you or he may be really into her. You can spend ages getting worked up about this, or you can accept that it’s over. It’ll be hard to do, and it is a sad thing to happen. However there’s very little you can achieve by confronting him or challenging him about his new girlfriend.
If you want him back you can tell him calmly and clearly (but accept he may not want to). If you don’t want him back then leave well alone.
In time this will get easier, and hurt less. Sadly you can ask him all you want about what’s going on and you probably won’t get the answers you want to hear because he probably won’t know exactly how he feels either. Move on. Send him a message saying your goodbyes and wish him well. After things have calmed down you may find you can be back in touch and be on friendly terms. By which time you will have met someone else, gone to college and will be starting a new life. Don’t let this hold you back.
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