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Hi! I'm Petra Boynton.
I'm a sex researcher with over 10 years experience. My PhD is on porn (truly!), assessing the effects of sex in the media. I train health professionals to talk about sex, and advise a number of organisations like the Family Planning Association, and BBC World Service on sex coverage. I've a regular telephone sex phone in on the BBC, and write several columns on sex and relationships. |
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| On Thursday night I was with this lad and I asked him if he had protection. He said no, so i refused to have sex with him. But then we did other things, and he decided to go ahead and stick it in anyway. I pushed him off immediately but I'm really worried that I could be pregnant. I have taken the morning after pill after a previous mistake about a month ago, and I don't want to take it again - but I will if I have to. What are the chances I could be pregnant? How soon do you get morning sickness? (I haven't felt very well since). I'm not worried about an STI because I know he's clean. What can I do if I leave it too late - is there another emergency contraception I can use if I wait and see if I get my period in about three weeks? Also, do you think it classifies as rape as I had said no but we did other things as well? Please help. |
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| Whether or not you did other things together isn’t the issue here. You said you didn’t want to have penetrative sex because he didn’t have a condom and he deliberately went against your wishes. Whether this would count as rape in a court in the UK nowadays is hard to say since so few rape convictions ever get to trial or rapists found guilty. But he definitely did something you did not consent to. You could speak to someone at Rape Crisis www.rapecrisis.org.uk and see what they advise. Definitely avoid him from now on.
If he did not ejaculate inside you then you may not be pregnant, although there is a risk. Morning sickness tends to come on when you’re a few weeks pregnant so it’s likely the way you feel is down to the situation – him ignoring your wishes and you feeling bad about this and fearing pregnancy. You can speak to your nearest family planning/reproductive health clinic or Brook www.brook.org.uk to see if they can recommend any other form of emergency contraception (it’s too late for the morning after pill but they can fit a coil – IUD – if they think it’s necessary). You can also wait and see if your period comes and then take advice from the clinic if you think you are pregnant.
I wouldn’t rule out STIs. You couldn’t rely on this lad to respect your wishes, so how do you know he’s clean? The answer is you don’t. Unfortunately you can’t tell just by how someone looks or what they tell you whether or not they have an STI. So I would also suggest a check up at your nearest GU clinic to be sure (GU stands for genitor urinary and the clinic will test you in confidence to see if you have an STI that needs treating). You can find your nearest clinic at www.condomessentialwear.co.uk.
You mention you’ve used the morning after pill recently, so I’d recommend you get contraception sorted out – speak to the clinic about options for you. If you find this situation continues to upset you then Rape Crisis (see link above) can advise on someone you can speak to.
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